The term ‘patriarchy’ is part of the common lexicon, and appears everywhere from Ani DiFranco lyrics, to references on The Simpsons, to academic tomes only accessible behind paywalls. On the most common understanding of patriarchy, patriarchy is characterized by a binary hierarchy: men are dominant, and women are subordinated. This binary picture has shaped not only how feminists understand patriarchy, but also how we understand sexism, misogyny, gender, and feminism itself. Despite -- and because -- of its explanatory importance, I think we need a new understanding of patriarchy. In this talk, I'll motivate a new model of patriarchy, and outline some of its metaphysical and epistemological upshots.